It was a mixture of being busy and just completely zonking out this weekend for your faithful webmaster. First, after car problems grounded me most of the day Friday, I enjoyed perhaps a little too much a night out. I bought a few lovely people drinks. Mysterious Asian Guy Tony was one of them. He started macking on me a little, but I reminded him that his boyfriend would totally kick my ass so he chilled. There was a deliciously femme looking boy who accepted my kindness in drink offer, but wasn’t really interested in my advanced otherwise. He said it was his first time there. I believe it. I also made up with Raver J whom I’d been fighting with since October. (While this is a good thing, I certainly am not going to do anything sexually with him again. Fool me twice…)

On Saturday, I ventured to Momocon. I got there a bit late. Stupid traffic was terrible! And I did sleep in quite a bit too. I’m getting old. I can’t hang with the young anime loving crowd anymore. Heh. No, not really. People liked my yaoi shirt, but I want more aggressive ones. I mean they should scream anime homo!

Seeing Fang and Nemo again was so wonderful even if it was only for like an hour. I keep saying, I want to see them more, but it doesn’t usually work out. I know things can always come up, but they’re such great people, it’d be a disappointment if it wasn’t until the next Con that I saw them again. Fang, in particular, was more adorable than ever with his voice changing and all. DAWWWW!!

Saturday night brought me to Kaze’s for another mix. We had a good time watching some sumo wrestling too and I teased Tatsuo a bit. He needs to get unbusy and come out with us to play in the nightclub with his sexy self. DJ Joe Gutheraux was pretty cool, but we didn’t stay all night.

All in all, it was a mixture of enjoying a moment’s breath of spring weather (it’s already gone back to cold and wet, in fact there was snow/sleet this morning) and feeling like sleeping a lot. I need to get some more editing done and I need to check up on cover art. April is coming faster than I know it.

OH, and apparently while I was doing all of that the democrats finally got their thumbs out of their asses and passed health care.

MomoCon, the downright cheap excuse for an anime convention held on the campus of Georgia Tech, is coming very soon. In fact, it’s two weeks away! Now, presale tickets for the exact cost of $0.00 have already been sold out. I say that, because, well, because the previous conventions have been so well attended (even during inclement weather) they have to put a cap on how many can come this year.

That doesn’t mean you still can’t see what all the fuss is about.

If you pony up some cash in a donation by March 7th, then you can get a pass mailed to you. Of course, those who registered for free badges (that will have to pick them up during the convention) you all should bring a few extra bucks to throw at this thing too. It ain’t a huge ass convention, so it needs all the love you can give it.

I’ll be there along with dozens of much more talented folks than I am hocking their anime wares. Come and have a great time with me trying to convert others to shotaluv March 20th and 21st.

For more information, you can visit the MomoCon website.

In a recent email I wrote to a long lost friend. Actually, he’s not long nor lost. Well, he may be long — I never got to check and ew — but he’s certainly not lost. He moved to Maine, you see. Anyway, where was I? Oh shit, still the beginning? Well then, lemme start over.

I wonder if I’m like a circling airliner, just waiting for my runway. Ugh, metaphors? Come on, Jonathan, you’re a talented writer but that talent comes from NOT doing stupid shit like using terrible metaphors. Start over again!

Fine, fine!

I am thirty-one years old. I live south of Atlanta, GA with my mother, my sister, and her boyfriend whom I dubbed Kid Rock Boyfriend. I don’t know what the deal is, but I think I’m waiting for something.

I have a job that I like most days that I go. I think to myself, honestly, isn’t that more than I can say for many people out there? Often, I’ll make more than 15 dollars an hour, and yet just as often, I will mishandle the money so poorly, I’ll barely make it from month-to-month with my simple but very real bills.

There are a few people I have keyed into my phone that I consider my friends. Sometimes I can’t get a hold of them, and I don’t ever see them as often as I want to. Some because they don’t live here and exist only on the internets, some because they have busy lives and I don’t think they’re waiting for anything like I am.

I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t even have prospects for boyfriends, though you may find me occasionally making out with someone when I got to the bar or nightclub. I’m not exactly sure why that is, but then again, I do live with my mom, my sister, and her Kid Rock Boyfriend. I think more importantly though, I have an aura about me that is warding people away most of the time.

I used to run a website for one of my interests. I closed it when I felt like it was taking up too much of my time without really being all that rewarding. The anime characters used to turn me on, but I stopped really seeing them in that way after a while. Unfortunately, because I closed the site down, I lost pretty much all of my online popularity.

It will absolutely make sales of my upcoming fourth novel decline. I kind of took that into consideration when I pulled the plug, but also kind of ignored it to my own chagrin. Part of me thought that it didn’t really matter. I always said, if I sold one copy that’s all that matters. I’ve also said that if only one person came to pixiesticks.org, it’d be worth it.

I lie to myself, but never to others.

I think I’m waiting on something, but I don’t know what it could be. It’s not like I don’t try and alter the above to make for a more rewarding experience on the planet. I’m about to start editing that upcoming novel. I have new hobbies I find a lot of interest in. I try to approach people and try to make their lives more interesting either as a friend or French Kissing partner. I want my home life situation to be as painless as possible since I still have to stay here, and the same goes for my work.

So… really… what is it?
I don’t know.
Maybe part of it is just this. Putting down what is going on in my life into words and posting them onto pixiesticks. I only post personal posts when something I consider interesting is happening in my life.

But that wasn’t always the case. I was younger… I wrote more about feelings, dreams, desires. Older now, I still have feelings, dreams, desires, but I have to say, it seems they are dull and not colored so brilliantly with idealism. I seem to save that for my novels, as someone critically said about “Freakshow” once.

I am waiting for something. But it’s not a passive form of waiting. It’s not like I am sitting here, watching the calender change. It’s an active form of waiting, if there is such a thing. It’s like I’m trying to hold my ground and maybe even occasionally darting a hand out to claw forward, all while waiting and trying and hoping that things will get better for me.

I have reached 50,000 words.
In fact, “Freakshow” comes in at a nail bitingly close 50,033 words.
But you know who benefits from a sex scene that I just had to keep adding to in order to make the cut tonight like I wanted to? WE ALL DO!

Thanks so much for being patient with me as I took the time to write this novel over the past 25 days. This is my second time doing this project and I beat last year’s time by two days.

I especially want to thank the following people:

Stephie, DJ Kaze and Tatsuo, Bartender Paul, Fang and Nemo, and Mike76. Collectively you are all such an inspiration to making this thing come out into this admittedly rough first draft but a complete novel nevertheless. Thank you!

Here is your final “Freakshow” excerpt. After this, I’ll be putting the novel away for about a month and then break it back out in 09 for the editing process.

I grin mischievously, and then capturing my twin’s eyes, I kind of nudge my head back towards the inside of our trailer we use as our makeshift home.

“Can’t even wait until after dinner, huh?”

“Nuh-uh.” I giggle.

Then, as Devyn draws his legs up, turns, and crawls back toward our mattress, he looks back to me pulling the door mostly closed. “Maybe people’ll appreciate our act even more.”

“How do you mean?” The back of the semi-trailer goes to near pitch darkness for a moment. I touch and feel my way toward the corner and then pull on the string to click on the light. Devyn is already on the bed, lounging, looking up at me with delicious eyes.

“Well,” He takes off his shirt as I approach and I can see that his bandages weren’t blood soaked as I’d feared. Perhaps my brother was stronger than I gave him credit for. “We’re going to be doing our usual extremely challenging juggling and acrobatic act in our,” he giggles, “teal lycra shorts.”

“Are they even really shorts?” I interject, reaching for the button of Devyn’s jeans.
“No, they aren’t really. They’re not even as long as underwear.” He raises his ass and lets me pull his clothes off him. His underwear gets tugged down partially, but don’t come the rest of the way off. “Anyway, we’re doing our performance practically naked in the center of the ring, and we’ve always had our eyes locked on one another except for the times we’re accepting applause and bowing for the audience.”

“I’ve always checked out your butt then.”

“What?!” Devyn squirms as my fingers pull at the elastic of his underwear. His muscled hips bulge as he’s practically kicking at me while I strip him.

“Yup. Sometimes when we’re taking our bows, especially at the end of the show when we’re bowing really deeply. I’ve totally checked out your ass.”

Devyn giggles. “That’s silly. You can check out my ass anytime you want.” Even as he speaking, he’s rolling on his side allowing me a delightful view of his bare bottom. I reach over and run my fingers along the split.

“Yeah well, before you would’ve been crazy about it apparently. Roll over onto your stomach.” I give him instruction, but add quickly, “But only if it doesn’t hurt your stitches.”

“Nah, I’m fine.” Devyn does as I ask, lying on the mattress flatly on his belly. At first his head is turned away from me, but he quickly turns it to peer back at me. “I had no idea what you were really asking of me on the drive up here, I have to admit.”

“It’s okay now.” I strip of my jeans and my excessively wrinkled shirt. Hooking thumbs along my underwear, those come down quickly as well. “I actually at the time wasn’t thinking all of this would happen either. I just saw you all the time with these boys and remembered when we were younger…” I trail off, suddenly caught again in that memory.
Devyn reaches over and wisps light touches across my naked thigh. “It’s okay, Haddy. We’re on the same page now.”

I blink. My eyes glance down to Devyn who’s looking back up to me a warm smile on his face. My own lips mirror that smile, and I remove my clothes the rest of the way.

Positioning my body between his legs, I use my knees to spread his apart a bit more. Then, leaning down, with my hands going to part his cheeks, I run my tongue along his cleft diligently until I pierce his quivering place.

Devyn’s back arches a bit and he gasps with the sudden but deeply erotic act. “Ooh, Haddy.”

“You like it?” I murmur with my head still dipped lowly between the delicate curves of his bottom. The vibrations and hot breath seem to incite him more.

“Ooh, yes.” Returning to lay his head down on his arms, he chuckles a little even as I’m licking and kissing him there again and again. “I have to say, I never expected to be on the receiving end of this.”

Reluctantly, my attentions are pulled from where I’m coaxing the opening to relax more. “You always gave it to the local boys?”

“Uh-huh. Ohh!” He squirmed a little, shifting his butt back and forth a little in my hands.

I grab and squeeze them, molding the flesh more forcefully, as I lick and kiss lower along his balls and inside of his thighs. I finally rise up, slicken up one of my hands with my mouth, and caress my own eager sex.

“I guess I’m okay with it. If you want to do me, I mean.” Devyn’s turned to face the other direction now. Hands unfolded from underneath his head. He brings one back to lightly graze along my leg which I’m raised up on now.

“Good.” I giggle even as I’m positioning myself. Stroking my flesh, I steadily bring myself closer to my twin’s rear. With gentle persistence, he’s relaxing and my cock disappears within his flesh. The heat so intense, it makes me moan even as I’m pushing myself completely forward inside.

“Oooh!” Devyn’s outcry is more of a surprised gasp. While he’d certainly felt my presence up behind him, and his body even had raised his ass up just marginally to allow even more access to him, he’d not quite really expected what it’d feel like. Kyle hadn’t quite got this far earlier. He squinted his eyes closed and I could tell he was fighting the urge to tense up.

“Ryalax, Devyn.” I coo to him. After I’ve fully sunk my inches inside, I hold there for a moment. “Tyell mey wheyn tyo gyo agyian.”

It seemed like a good long moment, before he grunted that it hurt. “I don’t know. It hurts, Haddy.” Twisting his head back to look back to me, he then bit his bottom lip and nodded. “Okay,” he breathed.

A slight withdraw, I then lean down, bracing my weight on my arms on either side of my twin. Head dropping down, I peer down at where our bodies connected. Then, with a grinding of my thighs, I push inside further. I feel more of his muscles yielding to me, and it feels so deliriously good.

“Ah… Oh… Ah…” Devyn punctuates his breathing with audible responses to his side of the pleasure in which he’s had to fight through the pain for. But after several strides, and a withdrawal to add more saliva, my boyishness is once again inside thrusting away.

I spread his legs a bit more with my own, and surprisingly I feel him rising up to his knees underneath. I encourage him, and get even more penetration of his more exposed vulnerable ass. Sliding my hands very gently down his sides, rubbing up more aggressively against his back, I eventually am grasping his shoulders while thrusting into him. I can hear over our panting and his oohs and ahhs the curiously delightful sound of my flesh striking his in a hard rhythmic slapping sound.

I giggle and through his sighs, he asks, “What is it?”

“A sound.”

“Oh?”

“Slap, slap, slap, slap.” I mimic the noise without letting up the hard thrust from behind. Devyn’s muscles are taut against my own; he’s pushing back against my hardness strongly.

“Shut up!” Devyn laughs, then gasps at a particularly deep push inside. It’s wince inducing, but it must have actually felt great because he’s rising up further, practically up on my bent knees. He bounces roughly and my cock goes far within him, encouraged further by the churning of his rear. The muscles practically coax and embrace a harder, more forceful fuck.

“Oh Devyn!” My eyes glaze over with passion. I reach one hand across his chest, the other going to turn his head toward me so I can kiss him.

“Mmm, Haddy.” Even though he’s been forced to take his own prick in hand, his tongue and lips seem as eager to kiss me back. I know there has to be a pierce of pain from where he’s twisted in my arms, but the satisfying pleasure of our sex must have certainly been overcoming it.

Rapturous orgasm surged throughout me, and I seem to find just a fraction deeper I can go within my twin. The quiver in my groin tickles as the spring snaps and I squeeze off pulses of pleasure into his guts. It’s a savage, harsh thing, but it felt incredibly intense. So much so that my entire body shivers with erotic bliss.

Fully encased within him, Devyn finds his own climax seconds later. My hot eruption inside along with the deep, difficult kisses make the boyishness between two of his fingers stiffen and flex. Dirtying up our mattress yet again, Devyn laces the sheet with stickiness that arches high into the air.

I withdraw from him, but am quick to pull him to me as I’m collapsing to the mattress. Not caring about getting messier, all I want to do is lay with him and hold him securely. He’s shivering, and obliges.

“That was insane.” Still breathing quite hard, his leg twitches a little. “That was really crazy.”

“Insane good? Crazy good?” I can’t help but return slightly to my consistently worried self. After all, while I may have learned and changed a lot, I was still myself.

“Yes, good.” He chuckled. Devyn’s chest had finally stopped rising and falling so rapidly within my grasp. He turned over and faced me, wincing just a little as the wound jabbed a bit at him again. Or maybe it was the fact that I’d just drilled him so succinctly?

I smile and regard him in silence much as he did me. It seemed for a moment we were mirror images of one another. I’d brush a little of his sweaty hair, and he’d do the same in return. My hand would slide up and down his arm and momentarily he’d do the same.

I pulled back just a little, just so my eyes could glance down between our bodies. Our bared flesh were identical landscapes besides the fact Devyn had his bandages and I was more lightly scraped up from my climb up the Ferris Wheel. Delicately, I reach down and hold his softened parts.

He inhaled sharply and held his breath as I touched him there, but he said nothing. Rather, after a few moments, he reached down as well. His eyes eventually captured my gaze just as he held my sex tenderly in hand. Neither one of us stroked one another; we simply held that private part of each other.

“I love you, Haddy. I love you and I love this, but it feels so intense. It feels like it is so much. I hope, no, I feel like it’ll burn us again.” My brother was the first to speak, and amazingly enough he said exactly what I was thinking.

“We are all we ever really had, you know?”

“I know. I think we are all we’ll ever have too.”

“Are we going to end up like Don and Charles and be a part of this circus for decades? Long time partners who, overlooking their dumbass actions earlier today, are wonderful and content.”

Devyn gave my cock a little squeeze, “Stay focused, Haddy.”

My body jerks slightly and I giggle before giving Devyn a squeeze back. “I am focused. I’m serious. I’m very serious.”

“What are we deciding then?” It seemed spoken with quite a lot of reluctance in those green eyes. His gaze had once again fallen on mine and I couldn’t do anything but stare back at him filled with love and desire.

“I want it to be you and me.”

“You and me then.” Devyn’s reply came almost instantaneously.

I giggle, then add, “And others if we both decide?”

Devyn laughs and bobs his head up and down, “Sure, sure.” Releasing his hold on my prick, he then sits up. “I mean they’re Kyle to consider in the fall.”

“Halloween. It has to be Halloween!” I mimic him while offering my twin his previously discarded clothes.

Rasler and Ashe from Final Fantasy 12

Fran from Final Fantasy 12

Delicious winged bishounen (anime reference needed, tell me in comments!)

Ruroni Kenshin

OMFG delicious Envy from FMA.

Can’t label. Too busy fapping. Good God he’s fucking hot.

Vayne from Final Fantasy 12

I’m drowning.
I know I am.
Drowning in debt.
Drowning in loneliness.
Drowning in depression and sadness.

…

I didn’t go to the Yaoi Panel. Well, I did, but after the initial opening, it went immediately to the usual antics of hen da ne who while are very generous and wonderful sponsors of the genre, need to 1) stop singing and 2) make yaoi paddling its own panel.

While I’m sure it got better from there, I found myself realizing I was in my 8th Yaoi After Dark panel and not wanting to be. I wanted to be up in the Artist Alley with my friends Fang and Nemo whom I see perhaps as many as three times a year despite the fact they only live on the other side of the city.

So, if I can be forgiven, I left the Yaoi After Dark celebration before Violaine really had gotten the show on the road. Was the panel good? Dunno. Was it a swan song? Dunno.

I’m drowning, you see, and the only thing I think that could help me tread water for a few more hours wasn’t going to be sitting (or rather standing since it was a huge crowd) in that panel.

…

I only went to AWA for one day. 25 dollars. I really couldn’t afford that to be honest. I’m behind on my car note. I have car taxes to pay next month technically before my birthday, but it rarely happens that way. My credit card is maxed out. And I have no money.

I try to stay at work longer than my shifts and I call asking if they need any help when I’m not there. But work is a tricky thing since it costs some money to do it and if I’m not getting tipped enough…

I’m trying hard to change things in my life that will make things work again. Because, things used to work. But as of right now, I’m drowning. Or maybe I’m already dead and will require resurrection.

I have probably a dozen more but the roll of film (yeah, actual film) they are on is not yet used up. I’ll find something to take the rest of the shots with, but this should satiate you for now.

Candy and Geoff

Dark Elf perhaps?

Cyril works with Cruxshadows

Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance

Frank Conniff, TV’s Frank from MST3K

Trace Beaulieu, Dr. Clayton Forrester from MST3K

Joel Hodgson, Joel Robinson from MST3K

Drew

The hottest boy I found.

THIS IS SPARTA!!!

Beam me up.

Larsa from Final Fantasy 12 perhaps?

Wood Elf

Shota trap assassin.
(Formerly a loli who works for the Umbrella Corp.)

Sailor trap.

Handsome Cleric perhaps?

Edward Scissorhands Cosplay.

Last night was the beginning of a long weekend for your faithful webmaster.

Friday night I spent at Heretic as per usual. The beats were okay, but I wasn’t so much in the mood for dancing. I’ve been in the mood for sex. But I didn’t quite manage that either. I did sell the remaining 2 copies of “Later, Skater” bringing my total sold to 16 in person and 7 online: 23 copies so far in all. That’s a great start but I want more! Go check it out and see if a copy wouldn’t fit nicely on your bookshelf.

Shinji was also there. We seem to have a odd connection now where I don’t like him and hate how he’s mean to me and yet I still make out with him. Very strange. I wished we’d fuck. It’d probably be way hot.

Started Saturday off with a terrible hangover, but ironically it didn’t last long. That’s very good since this afternoon I have the Asian Express Pool Party with DJ Kaze. Following that is DJ Eddie Baez at Heretic. Last time he was there 900 people packed the house.

Not to be outdone with fun and sexiness, Sunday I’m going to visit Fang and Pirrip. They are the delicious artists you can see linked on the left hand side. Long time friends they are some of the most delicious boys I know. I’m looking forward to getting a closer look at some of their work, Korean BBQ, and breaking all of Fang’s rules of his new decked out room. (I’m kidding, dude. I’ll make sure to only use the bed for sleeping and sex.)

Thankfully I requested Monday off so I can recover what I hope to be a real memorable weekend. It’ll be made even more so if I can manage to get a little boyxboy goin’ on. I swear.

Today I started my second real actual attempt to quit smoking. Not like the non-serious non-attempt I didn’t even try making even though I said I would on Valentine’s Day.

As you may recall, my first real actual attempt started on my birthday last year. So I was successful from Oct 9th to December 23rd. Not bad, but not great.

I really do want to quit. I really feel my health pretty miserable on a very frequent basis. And considering I’m now doing two trucks a week at work, I really could stand to have some lung capacity.

Besides, maybe the next time I see Fang and Nemo they’ll make out with me again. I’ve long said I could really use a reward system. Hehehe.

So here I start a real quit again. I’m not really asking for praise or support or critical comments. Just putting it out there that it’s something I am doing.

Despite feeling sickness coming on, I still made it out to Momocon for a few hours at Ga Tech today. Seeing bishie artists Fang and Nemo was top priority and man have they been hard (heh) at work drawing up lots of good stuff lately. I spent some cash on picking up some of their prints. Pure hotness. They obviously draw from their hands-on experience.

I also saw Elf today. He showed me what he had been working on so far for the cover to “Later, Skater.” That book should be ready to go coming here in the next month, I suspect. He’s got a nice splatter, abstract, yet delicious sketchy thing going on so far. I hope he could use my imput to bring something closer to finished.

All in all, it’s been a pretty mixed up weekend to say the least. Hopefully, I can get back to the good side of feeling well, make some much needed cash, and have a great week this week. And I wish the same for you as well, my friends.

10. There is going to be a new yaoi convention. Calling itself Yaoi Jamboree, it will be held in Pheniox, Arizona in June. The details are really kinda sketchy right now, but the official website for it is right here. One of the companies that are putting that thing on is Everything Yaoi.

09. Speaking of new companies putting out yaoi product. Iris Print had a really sweet looking booth. Check out what they have to offer in the more light shounen-ai department at BoysLove Books. I do like their “Likes Boys” shirt very much.

08. Continuing on the yaoi theme: The 7th Annual Yaoi After Dark panel was much improved over the previous year. Pulling in probably its most huge and diverse crowd yet, the three hour long fiesta seemed tighter which is a very good thing when we’re talking about cock and ass. Features included the usual yaoi paddling, a rundown of what’s upcoming in manga, The Dating Game, a trivia game, a short preview of the video No Money, and Lainey speaking of just how much has changed over the 7 years in the fandom. Unfortunately, shota is still not allowed to be discussed.

07. One of the things that I absolutely haaaaaaated about the panel didn’t have to do with Lainey at all. (So hopefully that means I can be spared any wrath this time around.) While there weren’t any horrible fanfics this year, instead preceeding Yaoi After Dark was some bastardization of American Idol. Changing the words to songs to make them “Yaoi” versions is certainly my idea of Yaoi Hell, to be sure. It’s safe to say that if Simon was there, he’d have bent them all over a chair and fucked the shit out of them for such a horrible idea. He’s sooo seme, you know.

06. Greg Ayres is the shittiest DJ on the face of the earth. Now, I don’t know this to be a fact persay, but that’s pretty much what every. single. person. who walked by the table where I was hanging out with Fang and Nemo had to say.

05. In alot of ways, Anime Weekend Atlanta is simply Really Expensive Babysitting. I’m sure their staff would agree, considering overwelmingly many people went to the convention and didn’t view a single frame of anime.

04. Video game freaks really should invest in getting their own convention. While most conventions have some video game stuff going on, there is absolutely no more room for you at AWA. Not that I mind you being there. It’s just overwelmingly obvious that you’re multiplying and AWA doesn’t seem to want to make proper accomidations for what you love.

03. Lainey broached a subject I hoped I wouldn’t have to hear for another couple of weeks. She talked about she was “getting too old.” But, fortunately she also mentioned she’d do it until they had to wheelchair her into the panel, so that’s good. I’m turning 29 next month and while I certainly started to get the feeling I was one of the older people in the room, the love for the yaoi is just too strong to let go!

02. Pixiesticks.org fans are the BEST FANS EVER! I know I may come across initially as chilly, but I swear it’s actually that I’m lost in a sea of just stuff going on around me all the time. I love fans of the site. And I loved getting to meet some of you at the convention. You make me extremely glad I came.

01. As it was last year, Bishounen artists Fang and Nemo were my favorite thing at Anime Weekend Atlanta. Despite seeing them on New Years, I still am so saddened I only see these two typically once a year. While we keep promising that will change, I wholeheartly adore both of them. They make me feel very happy. (In my pants.)

Fang’s changed his Deviant Art account name.
No big deal, I just changed the link.
He says it’s a pen-name he’s had forever, but I’m still calling him Fang.
Apparently my attempt at calling him “lil’ suckpig-san” wasn’t appropriate.